Let’s be honest, dating after a divorce can feel confusing and downright terrifying, especially if it’s been a long time since dating has even been a thought for you.
You may be confused about how to put yourself out there or how to know if you’re ready. In some ways, dating in the age of social media is a whole different ballgame than it was even 10 years ago.
Dating in this day and age can also be fun, exciting, and lead to wonderful relationships with amazing people. The only way to experience that is to jump in and give it a shot.
This doesn’t mean you have to go into dating unprepared, though! Here are some tips on how to date after a divorce - and actually enjoy the process.
Jump to:
Love yourself
This may seem a bit obvious and unnecessary to say, but loving yourself is so important. Before you dive headfirst into dating, you want to make sure you’re in a good and happy place.
Love on and pamper yourself as much as possible. Treat your mind, body, and spirit as though they’re the most important things in your life — in whatever ways feel best to you - because they are!
When you feel healed and happy in yourself, it makes it so much easier to feel healed and happy with someone else. Plus, it will help you attract people who are on your same energetic wavelength.
Get clear on what you want
The first thing you should do when you decide you’re ready to jump back into the dating world is to get clear on what you want. This means asking yourself some serious questions and being super honest about the answers.
Here are a few questions you should ask yourself:
Am I over my ex? Sometimes, we need to take a bit more time to heal from a past relationship before we’re ready to even entertain a new one, and that’s okay.
Am I ready to date? Remember, these are two different questions. You can be ready to move on, but not yet ready to date. Again, that’s okay!
What is my end goal when it comes to dating? Some people are dating just to have fun or companionship whereas others are dating to find a new relationship. It’s important to figure out where you stand with this - and to be upfront about it to potential partners.
If you aren’t looking for the same things, don’t try to force a relationship. Don’t expect them to change for you, or you to change for them. Hold out until it’s an easy transition from single to a relationship, with the right person.
What characteristics am I looking for in a dating partner? Be as specific as possible.
Once you’re clear on what it is that you want, stand firm. Be open and honest about these things when you meet someone and remember that you’re 100% entitled to want things the way you want them.
Look out for dealbreakers and red flags
It’s important for you to know what you want to get out of the whole dating experience. It’s also important to know what you DON’T want and what you absolutely refuse to settle for or deal with.
These are called dealbreakers or red flags. They’re essentially characteristics, behaviors, or signs that let you know that something about a person or situation is not aligned with your goals or standards. When you see these red flags popping up, don’t be afraid to walk (or run) away. Stand firm in what you want for yourself and don’t settle for anything less.
Here are some common red flags to look out for while dating:
- Not respectful of your time (e.g. constantly late, not showing up at all, standing you up with no warning, canceling plans at the last minute with no good reason, calling or texting at odd hours, etc.)
- Getting too serious too soon (love bombing, pushing for a relationship right away, wanting all of your time, etc.)
- Constantly talking negatively about their exes (e.g. portraying all of their exes as crazy, never having anything good to say about their exes, always making themselves the victim in every relationship, etc.)
- Disrespecting or dismissing your boundaries.
- They never initiate anything (e.g. conversations, dates, etc) and always leave everything to you.
Live in the present
Rather than getting caught up in what happened in the past or getting hyper focused on what you want to happen in the future, allow yourself to live in the present moment. Have fun, enjoy meeting new people, and give yourself permission to just do what feels good and right at the time. You and your dating partners will thank you for it!
Try online dating
I know online dating can be scary and weird, but it can also open you up to meeting people that you’d never have the opportunity to get to know otherwise. This is especially true if you live in an area where good prospects are few and far between. That’s the beauty of the internet: it widens your world and opens up possibilities.
Online dating also gives you the opportunity to get to know people before you meet them in person. The benefits of online dating are that you can restrict your search to certain categories, such as dating for Christians sites. Just make sure you stay safe (more on that later).
Let loved ones know you’re dating
Your loved ones know you better than anyone, so they may be the perfect people to serve as matchmakers. Let a few people you trust know that you’re dating and open to meeting new people. You might be surprised by who they know that may be a great fit for you!
Don’t rush things
When you get back into the dating scene, you might meet someone that you hit it off with. The temptation to go full speed ahead (especially if they tick all the boxes on your “ideal partner” list). However, rushing things is never a good idea. Sure, there’s a chance that things could work out, but what’s more likely is that one or both of you will end up getting hurt or feeling like things are moving too fast.
Instead of doing things like demanding commitment after a short period of time, jumping into a relationship, or baring everything upfront, let things progress naturally, at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you.
Do things you enjoy
One great way to meet people that you may enjoy spending time with is to spend more time doing things you enjoy. Pick up your favorite hobby again. Engage in activities that make you happy. When you meet people while doing things you enjoy, you’re more likely to have things in common with them.
Try new things
In addition to doing things you know you enjoy, try doing things you've never done before. You never know;you might discover a new passion as well as meet some genuinely awesome people.
Be safe and trust your gut
Last, but certainly not least, stay safe and trust your intuition! If someone or a situation feels off, don’t be afraid to nip things in the bud or ask for help. Here are a few other dating safety tips to keep in mind:
- Google the person you’re dating. I know it may seem weird, but it’s really just doing your due diligence. You’d be surprised by what a quick Google search can reveal about someone. If you discover something that seems suspect or concerning, don’t feel obligated to continue with your plans to meet up with or date the person.
- Let someone you trust know about your dating plans, including who you’re going out with, where you’ll be, and when you should be back home.
- Always meet new dates in a public place.
- Never let someone new know where you live.
- Drive yourself to and from dates. If you aren’t able to, arrange for an Uber or Lyft. This way, you can leave whenever you want. Also, if you’re driving to a location you’re unfamiliar with, plan your route home before you leave so you don’t get lost.
- Never leave your food or drink unoccupied.
- Always keep your phone on you and make sure it is charged.
- Never share personal information (like social security number, bank info, etc.) with someone you’re getting to know.
- If possible, learn self-defense techniques. If not, carry something like pepper spray on you when you go on a date.
- If you go out to drink alcohol, make sure to know your limits and stick to them.
One final thing: have fun! Dating can be a great way to not only get to know some amazing human beings, but to also get to know yourself. Give yourself the grace and freedom to enjoy the process!
Comments
No Comments